3 Ways To Fight The Need For Approval
Fighting the need for (and winning) approval can be one of the best things you can do for yourself. This need has all sorts of negative side effects. One of them is that it isolates you from the path you really want to be on. However, it is a need or desire that we have all experienced at some point in our lives.
In certain circumstances, the motivating side of the need for approval can be very detrimental. It is important to differentiate between desire so as not to offend anyone from wanting to please. It is also necessary to separate things that you do against your own real desires to please others from actions that satisfy that need.
Fighting the need for approval
Getting rid of the need for approval does not happen in one day. But just as the Eastern philosopher Lao Tse said, “the journey of thousands of miles begins with one step”. There are hundreds of different actions that can help you with this particular goal. However, we have selected some that have been shown to be the most effective of all:
- Recognize the consequences of such an attitude
- Improve your self-esteem
- Develop your understanding of internal management
Let’s explore all these means…
1. Recognize the consequences of such an attitude
The biggest hurdle you face when fighting the need for approval is recognizing that this need affects your behavior. Studies show that most people are not aware of everything they do to please other people.
To begin with, I encourage you to do an exercise to analyze and identify your own acceptance needs. Ask yourself the following questions:
- What would you do differently if everyone loved you no matter what you do?
- If you were the last person on earth, what would you spend your time on?
- If no one criticized you, would you change something in your life?
Questions like these will help you differentiate yourself from your need for acceptance. This will allow you to identify what you have done because of this need. Then you can decide if you want to keep certain habits, change them, or discard them.
2. Improve your self-esteem
Low self-esteem, combined with the emotions that lead to that thought, can bend you backwards as you try to gain other people’s approval. When you doubt your own “quality,” the need for approval from others increases, reinforcing your own dignity. The problem is that sometimes it makes you behave in a way you don’t really like.
If this happens, your self-esteem will continue to drop. This can become a nasty spiral where the worse you feel, the more you seek the approval of others.
If, on the other hand, you work to strengthen your self-esteem, you will realize that fighting the need for approval will become easier and easier. It doesn’t matter how you do it. Loving yourself should become one of your priorities right from this day forward.
3. Create an internal management concept
One of the building blocks of a healthy self-image is having an internal sense of control. This strange name refers to the belief that you have great power over what happens to you. Think, for example, when something happens that you don’t like. Are you blaming someone else? Or do you decide to take full responsibility for it and work to change it?
If you have an internal sense of control (you believe your life depends on factors you can’t change), it’s more likely that you need the approval of others to feel good. If you believe you are in control of the situation, you will seek more internal approval rather than the approval of others. Remember that no matter what you do, there is always someone who doesn’t like it. So why should you worry about what others think of you?
When you decide to take the reins and take control of your life, it’s extremely easy to fight the need for approval. After all, when you do what you really want, external opinions tend to be much more irrelevant.
The three ways we see in this article reinforce each other. You can choose any of them and start working on it. You’ll quickly realize that what others think of you isn’t a very important factor when it comes to making decisions.
