5 Ways Your Mind Will Deceive You When Your Heart Is Broken

Hearts can break just as easily as bones. When this happens, your mind usually deceives you. It pulls you into despair and it convinces you to cling to the slightest hope of reconciliation. Little by little, however, your heart opens its eyes to reality and your mind begins to return to normal. To the state where we make a contract with ourselves with dignity so that we can go through the process of grief, caring for our broken heart.

Broken hearts are a common thing all around us, but we never get used to it completely. In the 70s, one of the most successful songs was  a work by Bee Gees  that included the words, “ How can we heal a broken heart? How can we stop the rain from falling down from the harbor, how can we prevent the sun from shining? ”  From these words we can see a small breath of despair. These words seem to tell us that the loss of love causes a wound that never heals.

One thing that social psychologists have often pointed out is that, on average, people  are more afraid of social or mental pain than physical pain. For example, the idea that we would break our bones does not scare us as much as the idea that we would be disappointed, be deceived, or that we would experience a mental collapse.

Our bodies know what to do and how to react to a physical injury or inflammation. But when a relationship breaks down, our bodies and minds experience a complete blockage. Experts tell us that our brains interpret such separation as a kind of burn. The brain feels mental pain in the same way as physical pain, but the difference is that we don’t know how to heal this emotional wound. Therefore, our minds fall into a mixture of contradictions, false wishes, and irrelevant arguments.

How does your mind deceive you when your heart is broken?

Your mind will deceive you, albeit unintentionally. It does this because it is wounded, lost, and still stuck in your broken heart. In a heart that doesn’t know how to deal with rejection very well, or how to say goodbye to the love that was with you all in all.

When this happens, we are locked into a complex network of defense mechanisms that try to deny everything that has happened. And just as if that weren’t enough, even an even more sophisticated and harmful process takes place in our brains.

Our brains activate the  secondary somatosensory cortex as well as the  posterior spinal insulin. These structures combine with physical pain. As we have pointed out before, we experience emotional pain in the same way we experience physical pain. All of this means that we cannot think clearly, and that we deceive ourselves. Next, let’s look at how this process usually works.

1. I have lost the most important person in my life

Mental pain causes anxiety, and anxiety seeks refuge in every place where it can wrinkle in despair. At this point, it’s common for harmful thoughts to come to mind like,  “I’ve lost the most important person in my life, the only one who can possibly make me happy.”

Your mind deceives you, it takes you captive. The most important person in your life is yourself. Your former partner was an important part of your life, but this part is now over and this thing you have to accept.

2. I have done something wrong, I can change!

Denial is part of the fight, and here we grab it like a drowning straw. It is common for us to blame ourselves and tell ourselves that we have neglected a relationship, that we have done something wrong, but that it can still be corrected.

At this point,  we are almost obsessively trying to convince another person that we need to try again. Starting from a clean slate, getting back to the top. For what we had should not be thrown away just to go around. Once again, your mind will deceive you. Your heart is hurt, and your good intentions will blind you. You just have to accept that cold reality – your ex-partner won’t love you anymore, and there’s no other production season in the story.

3. Obsessed with connecting and getting in touch

We live in an era where immediate communication, immediate help, and an inability to tolerate any kind of frustration are normal. How can I accept that my loved ones are no longer sending me messages? How can I supposedly understand that he has blocked my access to his social media and he no longer wants to have anything to do with me anymore?

Our minds try to come up with thousands of excuses to explain that silence,  that fight, or how long it takes him to respond. On top of all that, our minds are even trying to devise thousands of strategies to be able to get the last message or the last desperate request. These destructive dynamics persist until our dignity tells us that too much is too much. And then finally we do those necessary things to get better, like deleting our ex-contacts from our phone and social media.

4. My life will never be the same

This statement is true. Our lives will no longer be the same after we have suffered this psychic breakdown. But your mind will deceive you again, and usually it will whisper you will never be happy again. It tells you that you don’t deserve new love, that you ruin everything you touch, and you never find the kind of person who just left you. Thoughts like this are a form of absurd torture. Of course, your life will not be the same. It’s going to be different, it’s going to be new and a lot better, because there’s no more person next to us who doesn’t love us. Or maybe he loves, but not in the right way.

5. I need to know the reason why he stopped loving me

Is there any clear, objective, and concrete reason why we stop loving someone? Maybe in some cases, but most of the time not. We may even become obsessive, even desperate,  but sometimes the flame of love goes out without us really knowing why. There may be other people involved, or there may be many small things that will accomplish something great.

In general, differences cannot be turned into words. In these cases, the  only way forward is acceptance and honesty. On our part, acceptance and honesty on the part of the person who stopped loving us, who with his courage makes it clear that there is no going back and that the relationship has no future.

Finally, we know we cannot always trust our minds when our hearts are broken.  Usually emotions and reasoning are part of the fight. If we accept what has happened, it can make sense in the chaos around us. Little by little, we begin to create our way toward the protection of our self-esteem. And there we begin to heal our delicate but essential hearts.