Do We Have To Forgive?

He who hurt you so badly, does he deserve forgiveness?  Sure, you’ve asked yourself this more than once. Especially if the person who injured you is someone very close, this may be a difficult consideration. Is forgiveness worth it or not?

Is forgiveness the same thing as reconciliation?

Maybe we’ve decided to forgive them to let go of resentment and bitterness – a poison that does us no good – but that doesn’t mean we should go back to being friends like before, continue our marriage, have dinner with them, etc.

Forgiveness may strike when it comes to reconciliation or not.  We can forgive and each will continue our journey. Both paths branch out from the moment we forgive and at the same time let go.

When we are deceived in one way or another, it is difficult for a relationship to continue as if nothing had happened.  Imagine that trust is like crystal glass falling to the floor and shattering. Can it even be fixed by gluing the pieces back together? Of course not.

Healing ourselves through forgiveness

Another reason to forgive is that it is the only way to heal ourselves and get rid of pain. As Miguel Ruiz writes in his book “Four Ways to Freedom,” forgiveness is the only way we can heal ourselves.  You know you’ve forgiven someone when you see them (or remember them) and don’t experience a negative mind movement.

When we forgive someone for their mistakes, we also forgive ourselves for our own mistakes.  What does this mean? That in addition to forgiveness, we free ourselves from the pain, toxic, and negative emotions that inhabit us. And it is valuable in itself.

Keep in mind this beautiful saying about the inability to forgive and its consequences: “Forgiveness is like picking up a hot pot with the intention of throwing something at it: you are the first to burn it”.

But it is meaningless to say “I forgive” without the real feelings behind it. We must be aware and authentic in expressing these meaningful words.

The importance of time

How, when and why to forgive? It all depends on us, our individual experience.  There is no rule or magic recipe that, for example, advises: “In the case of a cheating spouse, wait two weeks and then forgive.”

Forgiveness does not happen overnight; rather, forgiveness is a process we go through with time.  We may think we have already forgiven someone for what they did to us, but despite remembering a past dispute or deception, we feel sad, crying, or angry. This means that we have not completely forgiven.

We can compare forgiveness to the scarring of a wound obtained by cutting an apple.  When the wound is healing, touching or hitting clothes or objects hurts. Once the skin has regenerated, there may be a scar or lighter skin left, but when we touch it with our finger, we no longer feel pain. When it comes to forgiveness, we realize that  we have truly forgiven when the memory no longer hurts us. 

Yes, you know when you have forgiven or when you still need to work towards your goal. And in some cases, we just need time. There is no doubt that the change of years would sometimes be the best cure for heart injuries.

Forgiveness is personal

Should we forgive or not, it is up to each individual to decide.  This decision will affect the rest of our lives, either now or in the future.

It is true that some deceptions are harder to forgive than others, but we should also remember that we are not perfect beings and we all make mistakes. We do not justify or justify by our decision that we have been deceived, we are only a little less strict or harsh with that person who is sure to be guilty of what he or she has done.

We should remember that forgiveness benefits not only the other party but also ourselves, as  we release a heavy and dangerous burden that damages our hearts.

Exercise more often and you will feel much lighter!