Emotionally Absent People

Emotional or emotional incompetence is a major barrier in human relationships. The inability to connect emotions is a major barrier to building strong, healthy, and lasting relationships. Most important is a person’s own connection to himself or herself, and its difficulty is a challenge for emotionally absent people. Some build a wall around their hearts to prevent them from being vulnerable, while others escape when intimacy and intimacy come into play.

These people may have emotional immaturity,  and even love can become a great threat to them. This does not mean that they would not develop relationships, but that they tend to leave them or shut them out when emotions begin to develop for them. It’s as if their backs are like a turtle shell that they use as security whenever they need it, especially when the situation calls for emotional intimacy.

Emotionally absent people are experts in taking distances, building walls and erecting walls, thus avoiding close contact with others. Most often, this happens unconsciously. That’s why it’s so hard to get rid of this kind of emotional depravity.

What are emotionally absent people like?

Emotionally absent people seem quite similar to others. They have their tastes, their passion, their work, their personal stories, their shortcomings and of course their virtues. But they still lack the ability to recognize and control emotions. Maybe they’ve never asked how they can, or they’ve stopped listening to their own unhappy feelings.

These people have an aura of emotional coldness, and they need to escape even the slightest suffering. They are escapists of discomfort  who adorn themselves with self-deception. The same thing happens when the feeling they take over is too positive. Maybe they enjoy it more, but it might also cause them a lot of fear, especially if it has to do with others.

By taking a great emotional distance in their relationships,  they turn out to be cold people, showing little interest in the things around them. In fact, it is difficult for them to create intimacy to avoid a sense of vulnerability. In this way, emotional coldness becomes their defense mechanism,  just as they have learned to protect themselves from the pain of the past.

Feeling with these people can be really difficult and frustrating, especially in love relationships, as emotional intimacy is almost impossible. Also, when they face pain, sorrow, or disappointment, they may be down, overwhelmed, or may have a strong desire to escape.

As said,  emotional absence tends to appear unconscious. However, these people use a lot of psychological energy to avoid a collision with these emotions. Because of this, only when they begin to be aware of what is happening can they do something about it. The problem is that their defense mechanisms are so automated, they may fight so hard that they are not aware of their vulnerability.

What can emotionally absent people do to end this cycle?

Is it possible to shed light on this emotional blockage? The answer is yes,  but it is not easy. It all depends on everyone’s own identification of the difficulty, and the change that the person wants to happen.

Therefore, the first step is to be aware. When we are aware of ourselves and allow ourselves to experience all that the emotional world has to offer, we can move forward. In this way, the pains and fears of both us and others show up honestly. Also with great effort.

Then, once the first interaction on the emotional level has been created, and once they have learned how to recognize emotions, the next step is to engage in the ability to react to different situations,  and thus reject automation. This is one of the most powerful tools for emotionally absent people.

On the other hand, it is also important to mention that  the loved ones of emotionally absent people must also take care of themselves  and be understanding if they want to continue the relationship. They also need to work to see how to act and, above all, understand the reasons that make them stay. This is the advice of Gabriella Kortsch, Ph.D.

In addition, another important aspect is to understand that situations of this type are not about blaming a partner,  as he or she may have unresolved conflicts that need to be taken into account  and that the other party may bring to the surface.

Sometimes ending a relationship can solve the problem because  we can’t force the other person to change. Nor can he become something he is not. If neither is willing to be in a relationship, it must end. In this way, it can be avoided that the relationship becomes more unsustainable.