Grief Cannot Be Overcome Without Approval

Every grief work requires us to have desire, commitment, faith, and resources. On the other hand, we already feel the passage: the stage where we first deny what happened, then get angry and feel angry about what happened, then the world rolls over us and grief takes on a dominant emotional tone, and everything eventually leads to us accepting what happened. But during all these stages, we suffer, and sometimes this suffering results in us being trapped in one of these stages.

We may spend long periods of time denying an event: it hurts us when we are with it face to face. It may be easier for us to get angry, blame others or the world for what happened. Therefore, we fall into a trap where we do not allow ourselves to cry, be sad, or release all the evil feelings we feel within us.

It is not possible to overcome sorrow without pain

This may seem paradoxical, but grief cannot be overcome without pain. We need to immerse ourselves in the sea of ​​our emotions. We need to notice how we fall in an attempt to deny what happened, how we get angry, and then how we release all the grief we have carried within us. Second, in the final stage, a feeling of hopelessness is present and the situation becomes more critical because there is a danger of being rejected.

Hopelessness takes our desires into everything. It urges us to feel that we have fallen victim to circumstances and to look for the depression we call our own actions without even being aware of it. We think we don’t have the strength to get out of that sea of ​​emotions we’ve dived into, that dark room that doesn’t seem to have a way out.

However, all or at least a significant part of this is the result of our perspective, as we ourselves create a large part of the reality we want to see. Somehow, if in those gloomy moments of grief the pain is so deep that we believe we have no hope for better, it will be so. We are trapped in a dark room from which we have no strength to get out.

It can take weeks, even months, for this feeling to trap us. Eventually, however, the pain we feel ends and we get tired of the situation we have been involved in for so long. One day we will wake up and feel the urge to get out of that sea of ​​grief where our own tears are drowning us.

We are afraid to feel

While we know that grief cannot be overcome without pain and acceptance, the next time we enter this same room, we will likely feel as clumsy and helpless as the first time. This is because it is difficult for us to give space to our emotions and so when we feel something, we tend to listen to our inner little voice that tells us that those emotions are eternal. That is why we tend to escape this situation.

When we have no choice but to deal with everything we have experienced, we put in place certain strategies to avoid pain. In this way, we go through each different stage of grief, some of which are more painful than others. All this because we get to the last stage. To the stage that we avoid so much, but that will liberate us.

Grief isn’t really a gloomy and dark room with only one entrance and exit, it’s actually a tunnel! When we step in there, we are like a passage, for we go in from one end and we have to come out from the other. However, our fear of feeling, experiencing, and accepting what we have experienced, as well as our lack of hope, makes us feel like a dark room where everything is irrelevant.

Therefore, sometimes when we face a close death or our relationship ends, we think we will no longer find a new way to feel good, be happy, and move on. We believe that after that loss, we will no longer face new adventures or new projects. We cling so tightly to the people and situations we lived and experienced with them that we believe we no longer have any new opportunities in our hands. However, this is not the case in reality. But to understand this, we need to take the pain with open arms, feel it, and finally accept it to finally move forward.