I Lost You For Fear Of Losing

It is ironic that often after working hard to achieve a certain goal or win a fight, we just give up. And even though Runaway Bride – The Bride on the Run  is just a movie, such a reality is closer to us than we imagine. The discussion of biological and physiological causes in the following sections examines this phenomenon. Finally, our goal is to find an answer to how we can fight it by cultivating positive emotions in the current breeding grounds for fear.

What is fear?

Fear is one of the six universal emotions. The other five are happiness, sorrow, anger, disgust and amazement. These emotions are classified as universal because they are clearly recognizable in all the cultures that have been studied so far. They also help us control the fear around us.

What is the purpose of fear? All emotions play an important role in encouraging us or preventing us from achieving a certain goal. Happiness, for example, helps us to connect with others, and at the same time promotes our health as well as our adaptation to the social environment. The purpose of hatred, on the other hand, is to protect us from greater harm or to encourage us to face our oppressors. That is why we need it in our daily lives.

Fear of failure: “What if I can’t cope with this?”

Fear is the result of us assessing the situation as negative or threatening. This may mean that the danger may not be real. In many cases, fear arises from the feeling that our abilities are not sufficient to control the situation we face.

Looking at this phenomenon, we could refer to one of the cornerstones of mental health, the identification of our own abilities.  Freud defines mental health as “awareness of one’s own potential, an effort to realize and increase one’s own potential and self-acceptance.”

On the other hand, when a situation triggers a fear reaction, we also experience physiological sensations. These help us focus our forces on two basic motor reactions: fight or flight.

• Increased heart rate and blood pressure take care of the need for fuel for our brains.
• Breathing intensifies to allow oxygen to be transported to our muscles for an escape reaction.
• The separation of carbohydrates and fats in the blood takes care of energy supply if we need to fight.
• Basic processes in the body, such as the functions of the immune and digestive systems, stop to increase blood flow to the heart and brain.
• The muscles tense in preparation for action.

Why does the fear of losing make us lose?

This is what happens when we face a problem, a reality that is actually useful, or a neutral situation that we see as a threat. This mold works for phobias and makes us lose the things we love the most.

Therefore, when we judge a situation to be stressful or threatening, the message travels to our almond nuclei and triggers an acute stress response.  Tumake, on the other hand, is involved in many memory processes, including storing memories. That’s why memories of our fears go with us.

The assessment of a situation, whether threatening or not, depends on our personality and the degree of stimulation of our qualities required in the situation. Therefore, among other reasons, there are people who love dogs and then those who panic when they see a dog.

This same reaction is true in all those situations where we struggle or feel we have a lot to lose, so we use all our tools to either fight or stay alive. When we activate either a combat or an escape reaction, we end up escaping things that would make us happy, just to avoid the possible failure created by our minds.

So this is not just happening in movies. It can happen to older, fleeing brides, or to us, when we are paralyzed by fear of public appearance. This can happen despite the fact that we know the subject area front and back.

How can we manage the fear of failure?

Nearly everyone has certainly seen a romantic film in which the main character lets the “love of his life” go. Then, suddenly, he realizes what he has lost and runs after them to express his love, but…. The plane has already taken off. And we are left in dismay to say,  “Woe to you fool! You had it all. Why did you get it out of your hands? ” Why not look at your own life like that movie?

1. Encounter irrational thoughts that produce fear

From time to time when we encounter situations where fear has always brought us to power, our thoughts “go into a knot” or “get pounded”. Fear is like “thirst in the wilderness” that produces a sufficient physiological response and makes us “see an oasis where it doesn’t exist.”

In this way, we begin to form thoughts like “The boss looks at me strangely. Is he going to fire me? ”,“ I’m sure they’ll laugh at me, ”etc. It’s quite possible that our boss hasn’t slept well or that he has stomach ache, and that people are laughing at jokes.