I’m Not Going To Change Because Of You, But To Grow With You

Many people accept and believe that building and maintaining a romantic relationship requires that at least one of its parties has to give up certain things in their lives. Some even expect that they should “adapt” to the nature of their partner, thus changing their own, unique personality.

We do not deny that living as a couple and maintaining a long-term, balanced relationship sometimes requires small sacrifices on both sides. However, there is definitely a limit to everything. As soon as we demand to change ourselves, we lose part of ourselves,  and this is where the evil spiral begins.

If we change our values, hobbies, or our own character to please another person, we are not being honest with ourselves. Nor do we act fairly towards our partners, as we present to them something other than what we really are.

In order to maintain a healthy relationship,  we should never allow our own rights or values ​​to change in a way that we do not want them to change. These are exactly the things that make us up and that make us the person we are. Nor should we demand that the person we love should in some way “change” for us or otherwise change their own, personal needs.

Personal growth and growing relationships

Right from the start, we need to clarify something very essential: romantic relationships are not permanent or unchanging things.  None of us are blissfully unaware of the things that are happening around us and the changes that are happening all the time in our close social relationships, our workplace, our family, and our personal needs.

As a couple, we are forced to be open to constant change whenever it is required and constantly adapt to new situations and rules of the game. That is why there is the word “we”, but sometimes it is challenged by the word “I”.

One of the most common problems we usually encounter in a relationship is the  need to balance our personal growth along with the growth of the relationship.  In a healthy, happy relationship, these two aspects are linked to each other and constantly connected to each other. How? Both people respect, understand and favor the person they love. Each party in the relationship must and must have its own, personal space for growth and for being completely self-sufficient.

It can be said that this process is a really fascinating paradox, because while we work our relationship day by day into an increasingly cohesive, intimate and harmonious whole, we also allow ourselves to continue as two separate and independent entities capable of enriching our own individuality and thereby bringing new wisdom and inner happiness also in a relationship.

Encouraging individual growth on both sides of a relationship helps us maintain our inner balance, raise our self-esteem, and our personal satisfaction, all of which are needed for a successful relationship.

Therefore, it is completely useless to demand that the person we love change. If I asked someone to be less outgoing and to go less out with friends to spend more time at home, in reality, I would only feed their frustration and belittle their own interests, wants, and needs. 

What joy is it that I would feed another person’s accident by prioritizing my own selfishness? No one can change the way they fit into your life. The basic idea is to build, grow and develop (hopefully together). No shackles to another difficult relationship.

As I grow with you, I also find myself at the same time

Mature love is the most important cornerstone of a healthy relationship.  It is a conscious love that is capable of respecting and loving another person as he is, without the desire to force him to change at some point. Fear and personal insecurity are almost always to blame for someone experiencing the need to take control of another person in a relationship.

” I hope that other person changes this in nature, because that way I can be sure that he will never leave me and that he will continue to be compatible with me in the future.” But  people are not any puzzles ; we are not individual pieces that should fit perfectly with others. Your edges don’t even have to fit perfectly with my edges, and your openings don’t have to fill on my good sides.

It would therefore be better if we began to become more aware that  we are all imperfect beings looking for other imperfect beings to go hand in hand with us and grow with them day by day. This wonderful process is guaranteed to last through life, but at the same time we can also continue to grow as individuals. We become wiser as we grow together as a couple.

Love is actually a kind of process that constantly embraces life. It is a constant search, during which we develop ourselves and at the same time take care of the growth of the people we have to give up. Everything that happens in a relationship between two people is closely related to what we ourselves are like and how we feel in ourselves.