Three Common Mistakes That Limit Our Happiness

Well-being, just like inner peace, is something that changes by itself over time. Emotions can change the quality of our lives, and they also have a big impact on our choices. Therefore, it is important to become familiar with the three common mistakes that limit our happiness.

Daniel Goleman says in his book  How to be a Leader that at least 80% of the success we achieve depends on our ability to control our emotions. But the word “success” doesn’t always refer to climbing ladders at work. Nor does it mean our ability to be geniuses or gurus on a particular subject.

We are now talking about one of the simplest things: happiness. Happiness is not just something that will one day appear in our mailbox. Happiness is an inner space that needs to be taken care of like a fragile garden. We need to pick out weeds, sow seeds, prune branches, and we need to know how to add the right nutrients to the soil.

Emotional intelligence skills can illuminate many of the roads ahead of us. But sometimes we still operate without emotional intelligence, out of pure instinct.

Three common mistakes that limit happiness

1. Prohibition

I notice something is crooked, how do you feel, are you sure you’re okay? / Are you sure you’re not angry? / Are you sure nothing has happened? / Can you swear that whatever ever happened to you doesn’t matter? / Was it right that this thing happened?

These are just a few examples of the issues we may face on a daily basis. Usually we answer these questions in the same way: nothing has happened and everything is fine. Denying or hiding our feelings is an almost automatic reaction for most of us. However, this is one of the worst mistakes that limits our ability to be happy.

Of course, it is clear that we cannot always be completely open with others. Consider practicing mental self-confidence similar to our principle of personal hygiene. Suppressing or hiding it, which causes us pain, does not make us any stronger or wiser. Instead, little by little, it breaks us.

Let us remember that we are human beings, we are not like the sea and its waves, which are broken every day without complaint and without consequences. As human beings, we have the right and even the responsibility to show what hurts us, to complain, and to be honest.

2. Escape from unpleasant feelings

There are feelings and emotions we don’t like. We tend to ignore the emotions that make us feel uncomfortable because we don’t want to put up with them in our lives. Anger, frustration, disappointment, distress… How unpleasant can they be? That’s why we decide to push them into a corner, because we don’t know what else to do with them.

We forget something that the famous neurologist Antonio Damasio has often pointed out. People are emotional beings. One day we will learn to think. We are not like machines that realized we could feel. Therefore, giving space to our emotions and allowing them to flow is a way to accept ourselves. To appreciate our feelings, we need to invest in our mental health.

3. “I have to be happy”

The third emotional mistake is the result of our way of thinking today: the compulsion to be happy. We strive for happiness as a person who embarks on a journey without a destination. How can we go shopping without knowing what we want to buy? How can someone feel a huge emptiness without knowing what they are missing? This predicament, this feeling of lack, often leads us to nourish ourselves with substitutes for happiness that do not please us. Instead, it makes us feel frustrated and even more unhappy.

Let’s stop for a moment. Just for a moment, let’s breathe and reflect. Our biggest mistake is that we seek happiness from outside when it can only be found within us. Knowing and understanding this principle allows us to avoid greater suffering.

Let us work daily in front of this fragile building within us, where vital projects such as self-esteem, self-love, self-confidence and passion are protected. When our lives have a purpose, we are closer to achieving happiness. Today, we can correct all the mistakes we have made in the past if we want to.