What Is A Narcissistic Supplement?

What exactly is a narcissistic supplement? Before we define it, let’s first analyze what narcissism itself is: what do we mean when we talk about a narcissistic person?

DSM-V defines narcissistic personality disorder as the predominant pattern of magnitude (idealization or behavior). Narcissists need constant admiration from others, and they lack empathy. Narcissism originates in the early years of adulthood, from numerous different contexts, and is manifested mainly in a sense of greatness and beliefs that a person is special and unique, which is why he demands constant admiration.

It is worth noting that, according to psychiatrist Otto Kernberg, narcissistic personality is a spectrum that ranges from normal to pathological (narcissistic personality disorder, according to DSM-V). Thus, not all people with narcissistic traits suffer from narcissistic personality disorder. This depends on the degrees of these personality traits.

Let’s look at some of these aspects to consider regarding narcissism and narcissistic supplementation:

The narcissist’s primary goal is his own well-being

Narcissists take advantage of their own relationships. We mean that they always get what they want from people no matter what those people feel. Their primary goal is their own well-being. Everyone else is a means to their own well-being.

So they are not interested if their supplement is experiencing difficult times in their lives, or if they need their own space. The narcissist thinks only of his own needs and does not care about the needs of the other person.

What is a narcissistic supplement?

Narcissistic supplementation is a psychoanalytic concept first used by the Austrian psychoanalyst Otto Fenichel to describe a certain kind of admiration, support from a human relationship, or food that a narcissist absorbs from his environment and becomes essential to his self-esteem.

In this sense, following the definition of this scholar, the narcissist needs that others become his supplement, the source of things he does not get himself. This source of “acquisition” becomes an extension of the narcissist, or in other words, part of him.

For this reason,  there are no boundaries between the narcissist himself and his supplement, which means that the narcissist believes his supplement will think, feel, and function in the same way as he does. In short, his supplement does not have its own identity. Instead, the supplement only exists to please the narcissist.

Narcissists need reactions from others

In an article published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Mitja Back makes an interesting statement: “What attracts us to the social partners is not, at first glance, what makes us happy in a long-term relationship. While narcissists have that bright, charming side, it’s only a matter of time before those clouds recede our way. In short, there are two distinct dimensions: narcissistic pomp and vulnerability (or reactivity). ”

In other words, the narcissist probably seems to charm his side to get what he wants, and if people don’t act the way he wants, the narcissist might show his “uglier side”. And when he finally gets what he wants, he may act indifferently, distantly, or angrily.

Changes in the narcissist’s attitude are an attempt to get reactions from other people; reactions that make them act as the narcissist expects. For example, if a narcissist arranges a meeting with someone on a particular day and the other person doesn’t come, he or she may become distant because he or she didn’t get what he or she wanted. The narcissist’s own needs exceed the needs of others.

Are you a narcissist’s supplement?

Sometimes the narcissist’s supplement is not aware of this situation. So if you think you are, or believe someone else is, a victim of a narcissist, ask yourself the following:

Are my thoughts and feelings really important in this regard with this person? Do my partner’s needs exceed mine? Does he behave distantly or angrily when I don’t do as he expects me to?

Perhaps based on these questions, you can tell if you are a narcissist supplement or not. If you feel that your needs are not as important as his or her, you may want to set certain limits with this person and protect yourself from any kind of abuse. Don’t forget that your needs are just as important as the others.