What Is The Anxiety About Ending A Relationship?

The end of a relationship hurts more or less. Some differences leave people with different repercussions. Others may live the experience in a truly pathological way. This is what happens to people who have laid the foundation for their relationship to absolute emotional dependence and who have a general suffering from a phenomenon we know today as separation anxiety.

It wasn’t long before talking about separation anxiety meant focusing exclusively on childhood. It occurs in those children who experience great suffering when they were distanced from their guardians. For example, events such as going to school, parents going to work, or even sleeping alone lead to feelings of anxiety.

In families where parenting is based, for example, on the overprotection of children, such manifestations often emerge. That fear, and that feeling of despair when the people who are the object of affection are no longer near us, can also be seen outside of childhood and youth. There are many adults who start symptoms in a really devastating way when the relationship that is important to them ends.

Excessive anxiety, fear, psychosomatic symptoms, sleep problems, constant worry… They are conditions of great helplessness that require a very specific psychological approach. Let’s take a closer look at the topic next.

Separation anxiety due to termination of relationship: symptoms, origin, strategies

When you love your partner, even being separated from him for a few days hurts. However, some people live these situations much more intensely and even more traumatically.

Evolutionary psychologists have pointed out that the bond between a couple ends up taking on the same meaning as the bond built between a father-child / mother-child relationship. In fact, even the same neurochemicals are present: oxytocin, vasopressin, dopamine, etc.

Lisa Diamond, a social psychologist at the University of Utah, has found in her research that there are many similarities between family and couple relationships. We humans need the closeness of that beloved figure; we take them into account, take care of them, take care of them and want to guarantee their well-being. Sometimes, however, the affection is no longer healthy, making it a clear obsession.

Attachment and mental dependence can grow into such a large space that it begins to give rise to very problematic situations on an emotional level. This is when a person begins to experience separation anxiety due to the end of a relationship, which is mainly brain-driven, as they treat this experience as a threat and a traumatic event. The production of cortisol is then huge in the body and is accompanied by a very wide range of different physical and psychological symptoms.

Separation anxiety due to the end of a relationship – what exactly is it?

In many cases, it is not just a feeling of anxiety. As the situation continues for an extended period of time and involves a number of very specific characteristics, we can begin to talk about separation anxiety due to the end of the relationship.

This phenomenon belongs to the group classified as anxiety disorders, the official definition of which can also be found in the fifth version of the US Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders .

Related manifestations include:

• Elevated anxiety and stress.
• Repeat attempts to contact a former partner and get back together.
• Refusal to accept that the relationship has ended.

• High emotional suffering and inability to deal with the grief of ending a relationship in the normal way.
• Difficulty falling asleep.
• Inability to return to normal life and to the point where the person stops working
• Changes in appetite (excessive eating or loss of appetite).
• Psychosomatic symptoms: gastrointestinal changes, abdominal pain, headache, etc.

Where does it come from?

Some survive a relationship better than others. Others take a little longer to overcome the illness caused by the difference, while a small percentage of us fall into this pathological state that impairs physical and mental health.

This is the case for people who suffer from separation anxiety due to the end of a relationship; for those men and women who, in many cases, have predisposing factors for this psychological disorder. And these include the following factors:

• Dependent personality. In other words, that person bases all his relationships on excessive attachment to another. Thus, in extreme cases, we are already talking about a dependent personality disorder, a behavior for which excessive attention is essential. This need exposes these people to situations where submission is great.
• In some cases, a person may also have an unstable personality disorder, i.e., a borderline personality. In these cases, one’s greatest concern is to be rejected by another, in which case that pathological fear acts as a cause of problems and inconveniences. A person with an unstable personality disorder lives in a very traumatic way ending a relationship.
• On the other hand, we also cannot ignore those people who have developed a bond of anxious affection since childhood. These ties are determined by restlessness, insecurity, the need for possession, and interdependence between the couple.

How is separation anxiety treated?

The therapeutic approach to the treatment of anxiety due to the end of a relationship depends on the specifics of each case. In other words, the approach is not the same, for example, for a person with attachment problems as for a person with an unstable personality disorder. In many cases, however, cognitive behavioral therapy is a good approach for several reasons:

• It helps a person with separation anxiety acquire a variety of coping skills to manage anxiety.
• It contributes to managing the grief of ending a relationship.

• It enables the development of emotional as well as interpersonal and self-esteem skills in a person suffering from separation anxiety.
• In the same way, therapy offers opportunities to work on aspects that avoid building new bonds through emotional dependence.

Finally, while it is true that ending a relationship is never easy, it would be good if we did not allow ourselves to run into these extremes. Adopting a passive attitude and throwing oneself into grief and memories are the worst options. It is also important that, if necessary, we do not hesitate to turn to an expert.